Over the last few months for various reasons I have been somewhat lax about going out on dates. The ‘date many, commit to none’ manifesto accidentally slipped into the background while I was dealing with other dreary life things like moving house, work, plus being pleasantly amused elsewhere. However I think the time has come to attempt to get back on the dating roller coaster.
When I was discussing this with a few friends the subject of online dating came up, and I got the the staggering statistic that something like 75% of couples meet up via internet dating. I do admit that even though I have made friends via the cyber world, I have never really ventured into the world of internet dating.
Over the last week I have been looking at these dating sites, or to be more exact the profiles of the women on them. It would appear that writing your profile can be a very fraught experience. I also noticed that none of the profiles I read in my research indicated the type of woman they would like to meet, which to me seems a fairly sensible thing to do to get your needs met. And may I say that “likes a glass of wine” or “long walks on the beach” are hardly stimulating descriptors.
I thought that I would write a test profile so I would be prepared in case I did decide to venture into this uncharted territory, and this is where my dilemma started. I found that what I was writing varied depending on the time of day, or even day of the week. At this rate I would need to create at least three user accounts. So for your amusement I am now going to post what I have written so far.
Profile 1: Stiletto wearing corporate dyke seeks butch suit wearing counterpart, and that is trousers not skirt. Must be well read, well educated and a confident conversationalist on many topics. Fine dining and fine wine knowledge is a must, and an in depth knowledge of the last 10 Veuve Clicquot vintages will immediately accrue extra bonus points. Preferred sectors; Law, Geek girls (always make me swoon), Academia (Senior Lecturer or above, Post Doctorate Research Fellow may be considered depending on research field), and Science and Comms girls are pretty hot too. For an indication of what is required see image below.
Baggage carriers need not apply.
Then when I get home from work and change into training gear and head off for a workout I find a different profile comes to mind.
Profile 2: Slightly exercise obsessed lesbian seeks super sporty dyke for fun ‘workouts’. Must lift weights with emphasis on upper body, and must wear skimpy lycra while doing so. High cardio activity is also required, though marathon runners will only be considered if prepared to bulk up between events. Must be prepared to modify weights routines to equipment located in easy viewing of my treadmill. Swimmers and their chlorine aroma will be tolerated, see reference to upper body. For an indication of what is required see image below.
Baggage carriers need not apply.
Then when I’m not working or training and just hanging out being me I find that yet another profile is needed.
Profile 3: Quirky offbeat lesbian with an interest in gender blurring seeks like minded individual to play with. Must prefer Arthouse to Hollywood, Bats to Downstage and an interest in porn is an advantage. A love of music is vital and if a musician you will be required to play, possibly naked. Must be open to gender blurring. FtM’s must be comfortable with, and happy to play with (lots) the downstairs bits from birth. Must love food and wine, bookshops and museums, and be partial to the odd night on the dance floor. For an indication of what is required see image below.
Baggage carriers need not apply.
So you can see my dilemma about trying to enter this particular internet world, which me do I present?
To be honest it’s all a moot point anyway as those sites are just too f**king scary, plus I’ve just had the most brilliant idea. I have it all here! So, if you want to take your chances on a date with me all you have to do is comment below. Go on, Do It!!
